Wow. Our last post was in 2016! 2 years and half ago! We have been definitely busy with the wedding, being married, getting pregnant and becoming parents to a now 6-month old baby boy, Kaleb Liam. In between those events, I yearned for my own time with God, but I never really made the time.
When I was pregnant, I was tired all the time… which made it easy to overlook a lot of things that didn’t involve me, myself and I. My own discomforts and 1000 things running in my head sometimes got in the way of spending time in the Word, being in prayer and thinking of Lendl. There were times that I got overwhelmed with all the things that we needed to prepare for the baby and things I needed to learn to take care of a baby, that I start feeling really anxious and second guess everything. Those were many anxious thoughts that consumed me in a matter of seconds. But all it takes for me is to take a deep breath, pray and focus back on Jesus.
In that season of pregnancy and labour, I learned how to be more patient and how comforting it is to know that God is in control. Kal was 5 days “overdue,” and then we spent another 4 days+3 nights at the hospital after he was born to treat his jaundice.
They tested him on Monday morning and afternoon and his bilirubin levels were quite high, so we had to stay for another day. And another. And another. I was in tears after they told us that he had to go through phototherapy. Yes, I know it’s common, but I think that fact really downplays the emotional highs and lows that parents could go through, especially first time parents like me and Lendl. I know a lot of babies have/had jaundice, but it is a different story if the baby is yours. I cried a lot to the point that I couldn’t even open my mouth to pray. All I could do was look at Kal in the incubator and bawl my eyes out. He was so uncomfortable. He hated it in there, and I couldn’t do anything. I was in pain, overwhelmed with breastfeeding and so emotional. Once again, there was this storm brewing in me.
My heart a storm, clouds raging deep within
The Prince of peace came bursting through the wind
The violent sky held its breath
And in Your light I found rest
(Prince of Peace, Hillsong United)
It wasn’t the way we thought it was going to be. It was definitely a moment of God pulling us close to Him, to remember that it is His way, not ours. I had to focus back on God’s promises, His character and the peace He provides. Despite my uncontrollable bursts of tears, I held onto the truth that God is faithful. Whatever happens to Kal, we would rejoice in Him and remember who God is. It was so fitting that we based his name on Superman’s real name Kal-El. He was under that blue light to make him stronger! If you follow us on Instagram, you’ve seen countless photos and videos of Kal. He is quite the healthy and happy baby—praise God! I don’t want to say that I’m not anxious at all anymore, because this is an ongoing struggle that I have. But every struggle I go through, I know that God is with me and working in me. I also know that God has given me Lendl, family and friends who encourage me and pray for me (I love y’all!).
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. —Philippians 4:4-7
Being busy can easily shift our focus away from God. It’s not just filling up our calendar, but also filling up our minds with thoughts that send us into a downward spiral. In Philippians 4:8-9, Paul reminds us: “…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” I have to remind myself to focus on and do things that please God and give glory to His name.
Filed under General | Parenthood